You drop to your knees.
If your mother could see the state that you're in, she'd be inconsolable.
Maybe you'll be able to see her soon.
It's been so long since the last time you saw her.
No matter what you tried to tell yourself, you kept thinking about how it'd be like if she were still here.
You probably wouldn't be where you are at this very moment.
She'd tell you something among the lines of
"It's not time for you yet, Luci. There's still so much left in this world for you."